Emotional Intelligence Quotes for Leaders: 15 Sourced Lines, From Aristotle to Goleman
15 emotional intelligence quotes for leaders, each traced to its source and sorted by Goleman's five components, plus 7 lines that carry the wrong name.
Emotional intelligence became a household phrase in 1995, when Daniel Goleman's book Emotional Intelligence became a bestseller and Time gave its cover of 2 October 1995 to the idea. The book opens with a line from Aristotle that you will find on almost every list of emotional intelligence quotes, but the wording is Goleman's own compression, not a translation. This page collects 15 emotional intelligence quotes for leaders and traces each one to the book, article, scripture or talk it comes from. They are arranged by the five components Goleman set out for managers in Harvard Business Review in 1998: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skill. Below the quotes you will find a short history of the idea, an honest answer to "does EQ matter more than IQ?", phrases that show emotional intelligence in a real conversation, and seven popular lines that carry the wrong name.
Aristotle's anger test, and what Goleman did to it
The quote at the front of Goleman's book reads: "Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—this is not easy." He credits it to The Nicomachean Ethics, and the idea really is Aristotle's. The sentence itself, though, is a tidy paraphrase. Here is the passage in W. D. Ross's standard translation:
…any one can get angry—that is easy—or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for every one, nor is it easy; wherefore goodness is both rare and laudable and noble.
Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, Book II, ch. 9 (1109a), tr. W. D. Ross
Two things change in the popular version (MIT Internet Classics Archive, Ross translation). Aristotle was not writing about anger alone: he puts it next to giving money away, as two examples of how hard it is to hit the middle point between too much and too little. And he ends with a moral claim, that getting this right is rare and noble. Goleman kept the five "rights" and dropped the money, which turned a passage about virtue into a passage about feelings. If you use the short version, credit it as "Aristotle, as paraphrased by Daniel Goleman (1995)". Book IV, ch. 5 of the same work has a close cousin that leaders tend to like even more: "The man who is angry at the right things and with the right people, and, further, as he ought, when he ought, and as long as he ought, is praised" (Ross, Book IV). Note what Aristotle does not say. He never tells a leader not to be angry; he says anger aimed badly is a failure of skill.
Before 1995: how the idea was defined
The phrase is older than the bestseller. The Columbia psychologist E. L. Thorndike wrote about "social intelligence" in a popular magazine 75 years before Goleman, and two academic psychologists gave "emotional intelligence" its first formal framework in 1990.
By social intelligence is meant the ability to understand and manage men and women, boys and girls—to act wisely in human relations.
E. L. Thorndike, "Intelligence and Its Uses," Harper's Monthly Magazine, January 1920, p. 228
Edward Thorndike split intelligence into three kinds, "mechanical," "social" and "abstract," in an essay written for general readers rather than scientists (Harper's, January 1920, archive.org scan). The word "manage" makes the line read like a management textbook a century early, and "act wisely" is the useful part for a leader: the test is behavior, not a feeling. Most of what later writers called emotional intelligence is already folded into this sentence.
…emotional intelligence, a set of skills hypothesized to contribute to the accurate appraisal and expression of emotion in oneself and in others, the effective regulation of emotion in self and others, and the use of feelings to motivate, plan, and achieve in one's life.
Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer, "Emotional Intelligence," Imagination, Cognition and Personality 9(3), 1990, abstract
This is the academic starting point (University of New Hampshire repository record). The word "hypothesized" is worth keeping: Salovey and Mayer offered a framework to test, not a proven trait. You will often see a different sentence credited to the same paper ("the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings…"); we could not load the full text to confirm its exact wording, so we quote the abstract.
The timeline below puts the main steps in order. Dates and titles were checked against the sources linked in this article; the two earliest uses are reported by Wikipedia's summary and are marked as such.
| Year | Who | What happened |
|---|---|---|
| 1872 | Charles Darwin | The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals: emotions as signals that others read |
| 1920 | E. L. Thorndike | Defines "social intelligence" in Harper's |
| 1964 | Michael Beldoch | Early use of "emotional intelligence" in a research chapter (per Wikipedia) |
| 1983 | Howard Gardner | Frames of Mind proposes interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligences |
| 1985 | Wayne Payne | Doctoral dissertation with "Developing Emotional Intelligence" in its title |
| 1987 | Keith Beasley | "The Emotional Quotient" in British Mensa magazine: first printed "EQ" (per Wikipedia) |
| 1990 | Salovey and Mayer | First formal framework, quoted above |
| 1995 | Daniel Goleman | Emotional Intelligence; Time cover, 2 October |
| 1998 | Goleman | "What Makes a Leader?" in HBR: the five components at work |
| 2002 | Goleman, Boyatzis, McKee | Primal Leadership: a leader's mood as a driver of results |
| 2010 | Joseph and Newman | Meta-analysis in the Journal of Applied Psychology tests the work claims |
What makes a leader? Goleman's five components
Goleman's claim for leaders is simple: past a certain level, technical skill and IQ are the entry ticket, and emotional intelligence decides who leads well. He made it most directly in his 1998 article.
…the most effective leaders are alike in one crucial way: They all have a high degree of what has come to be known as emotional intelligence.
Daniel Goleman, "What Makes a Leader?", Harvard Business Review, 1998
The next sentence is the one people put on slides: "Without it, a person can have the best training in the world, an incisive, analytical mind, and an endless supply of smart ideas, but he still won't make a great leader." We checked the wording against the full text of HBR's January 2004 reprint of the article (HBR). The article also contains Goleman's boldest number: when he compared technical skills, IQ and emotional intelligence in the competency models of the companies he studied, "emotional intelligence proved to be twice as important as the others for jobs at all levels." That figure comes from his own analysis of company data, not from a peer-reviewed study, which matters for the IQ question further down.
His exhibit, "The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence at Work," is the most useful part of the article for a manager. The definitions below are Goleman's words; the right-hand column points to the quotes on this page that fit each one.
| Component | Goleman's definition (1998) | Hallmarks he lists | Quotes below |
|---|---|---|---|
| Self-awareness | "The ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions, and drives, as well as their effect on others" | Self-confidence, realistic self-assessment, self-deprecating humor | Laozi, Jung, Goleman |
| Self-regulation | "The ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods"; "to think before acting" | Trustworthiness, comfort with ambiguity, openness to change | Proverbs, Seneca, Franklin, Darwin |
| Motivation | "A passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status" | Drive to achieve, optimism after failure, commitment | Aristotle (above) |
| Empathy | "The ability to understand the emotional make-up of other people" | Building talent, cross-cultural sensitivity, service | Harper Lee, Carnegie, Brown |
| Social skill | "Proficiency in managing relationships and building networks" | Leading change, persuasiveness, building teams | Goleman, Boyatzis and McKee |
One small editorial note: in the reprint, the self-awareness definition is printed as two fragments ("…drives. As well as their effect on others"); we joined them with a comma.
Self-awareness: knowing your own weather
Self-awareness comes first in Goleman's list because every other component depends on it. You cannot regulate a mood you have not noticed. The oldest line on this page said the same thing some two thousand years earlier.
He who knows other men is discerning; he who knows himself is intelligent. He who overcomes others is strong; he who overcomes himself is mighty.
Laozi, Tao Te Ching, ch. 33, tr. James Legge (1891)
Legge's Victorian translation (Project Gutenberg) keeps the paired structure that makes the chapter quotable: reading other people is a skill, reading yourself is a deeper one. Newer translations swap "intelligent" for "enlightened" or "wise," so name the translator if you print it. The second sentence is the bridge to self-regulation, and the two halves together make a fair one-slide summary of Goleman's first two components.
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
C. G. Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections (English translation 1963), chapter "Travels"
Jung wrote this while describing his travels, and the next sentence makes it concrete: he understood England, he says, only when he saw where he as a Swiss did not fit in. We confirmed the wording through Wikiquote, which cites page 246 of the 1963 edition, but we did not see a scan of the book. For a manager the line is a practical tool: the colleague who annoys you most is information about your own drives, which is exactly Goleman's definition.
In a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels.
Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (1995), ch. 1, "What Are Emotions For?"
This is the sentence the whole book rests on; it opens the section "Our Two Minds" (checked in a scan of the book; the publisher's reader's guide summarizes the same argument). The next line in the book is less quotable but more accurate: the two "ways of knowing interact to construct our mental life." Use it when you need to explain why a well-reasoned decision can still feel wrong to a team: they are hearing it with both minds.
Self-regulation: the pause between the trigger and the reply
Self-regulation is the component most people mean when they praise a leader's emotional intelligence: the calm in a bad meeting, the email not sent. It is also the advice with the longest record. Scripture, Roman philosophy and an American almanac all reach the same rule.
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.
Proverbs 16:32 (King James Version)
The proverb ranks self-control above conquest, which was a radical claim in a world run by generals (Bible Gateway, KJV). For a leader the point is that self-control is not the opposite of strength; it is the harder form of it. It sits well in a faith-based leadership setting and is short enough for a slide.
The greatest remedy for anger is delay: beg anger to grant you this at the first, not in order that it may pardon the offence, but that it may form a right judgment about it: if it delays, it will come to an end.
Seneca, De Ira (On Anger), Book II, ch. 29, tr. Aubrey Stewart (1900)
Seneca wrote De Ira in the 40s AD as a manual for not losing your temper, and this is its most practical sentence (Wikisource, Stewart translation; Latin "maximum remedium irae mora est" on The Latin Library). The part usually cut off is the important one: the delay is not to forgive the offence but to judge it properly. That is Goleman's "think before acting" two thousand years early, and it makes a better rule for a manager than "stay calm": wait, then decide.
Anger is never without a Reason, but seldom with a good One.
Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard Improved, 1753
Franklin's almanac lines were written to be remembered, and this one does something the others don't: it grants that anger always has a cause (Library of America text of the 1753 almanac). For a leader that is a fair way to open a hard conversation with an upset employee: the reason is real; the question is whether it is a good one. For more lines on leaders who never learned this, see the "intemperate" section of our quotes about bad leadership.
The free expression by outward signs of an emotion intensifies it. On the other hand, the repression, as far as this is possible, of all outward signs softens our emotions.
Charles Darwin, The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals (1872), ch. XIV
Darwin's closing chapter (1872 John Murray edition, archive.org) goes on: "He who gives way to violent gestures will increase his rage." It is the scientific half of Seneca's advice. A leader's raised voice is not only a sign of anger in the room; it feeds the anger itself. Modern psychologists argue about how far this goes, so use it as an observation, not a lab result.
Empathy: seeing the problem from the other chair
Empathy is the component that people most often confuse with niceness. Goleman's definition is narrower and more useful: understanding the emotional make-up of other people, and treating them according to their reactions. The three lines below come from a novel, a 1936 self-help book and a 2013 animated talk.
You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view— […] —until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.
Atticus Finch in Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird (1960), ch. 3
In the novel Scout interrupts her father with "Sir?" between the two halves, which we have marked with brackets (wording checked against LitCharts). Atticus is explaining to a child why she should go easy on a new teacher who embarrassed her, which is why the line works at work: it is advice about someone who has just made your day worse.
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), Part One, ch. 1
Carnegie wrote this in the chapter on criticism, right after admitting that a rebuke he got as a young man still stung when its author died ten years later. The context matters: the line is not cynical about people, it is a warning about how criticism lands. It is the most-shared emotional intelligence quote that predates the term by more than fifty years, and it pairs well with our trust in the workplace quotes when the topic is feedback.
Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection.
Brené Brown, "Brené Brown on Empathy," RSA Short (2013)
The short animated talk (The Marginalian's transcript) separates feeling with someone from feeling sorry for them. Its other line is the better advice for managers: "rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection." When an employee brings bad news, the instinct to fix it fast can read as sympathy; staying in the conversation a minute longer reads as empathy.
Social skill: why a leader's mood spreads
Goleman's fifth component is the one leaders use most, because it turns the first four into influence. His 2002 book with Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee made the strongest version of the case.
Great leaders move us. They ignite our passion and inspire the best in us. […] Great leadership works through the emotions.
Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee, Primal Leadership (2002), ch. 1
The cut words are: "When we try to explain why they are so effective, we speak of strategy, vision, or powerful ideas. But the reality is much more primal:" (checked in the UK edition, The New Leaders, p. 3). The book's argument is that a leader's mood is contagious and sets the emotional tone of the group, which then shows up in performance. Whatever you think of the size of that effect, it is a good line for a new manager's first team meeting: the team will read your face before your slides. For openings of that kind, see our quotes for team meetings.
Does emotional intelligence matter more than IQ?
Short answer: not as a general rule, and Goleman's own subtitle was more careful than the slogan. The book's subtitle is Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, "can," not "does." The research since then supports a narrower claim: emotional intelligence helps most in jobs that are mostly about handling other people's emotions.
The best single test is a 2010 meta-analysis by Dana Joseph and Daniel Newman in the Journal of Applied Psychology (doi:10.1037/a0017286). Pooling many studies, they found that ability-based emotional intelligence predicted job performance positively in jobs with high "emotional labor" (roles where handling feelings is part of the work, such as care, service and sales) and negatively in jobs with low emotional labor. In plain terms, reading feelings helps when feelings are the job. That fits leadership well, since managing people is high emotional labor, but it does not support the poster claim that EQ beats IQ everywhere. Goleman's "twice as important" figure in HBR came from company competency models he analysed himself, not from a controlled study. If you quote it, say where it comes from.
Phrases that show emotional intelligence at work
People who search for emotional intelligence quotes often want something they can actually say. These are not quotes; they are plain sentences we wrote to match each of Goleman's components, for a manager to adapt. The best signal of emotional intelligence is usually a short sentence said at the right moment, which is Aristotle's point.
| Moment | What to say | Component |
|---|---|---|
| You snapped in a meeting | "I was short with you earlier. That was my deadline talking, not your work." | Self-awareness |
| Bad news lands late in the day | "I want to answer this properly. Give me until tomorrow morning." | Self-regulation (Seneca's delay) |
| A project failed | "What would we do the same way again, and what not?" | Motivation (optimism after failure) |
| Someone is visibly upset | "That sounds really frustrating. Do you want ideas, or do you want me to just listen first?" | Empathy (Brown) |
| Two people disagree | "Tell me what you think the other person is worried about." | Empathy (Atticus) |
| A change the team won't like | "Here is what's changing, here is why, and here is what isn't changing." | Social skill |
Three habits make these work. Name the feeling briefly and move on; a long speech about emotions reads as performance. Ask before you fix. And when you quote one of the lines on this page in a talk or a post, choose the one that matches the moment rather than the most famous one: Seneca for a heated week, Carnegie before a round of feedback, Thorndike when you want to make the case that this is a skill, not a personality.
Seven emotional intelligence quotes with the wrong name
Popular EQ lists repeat a handful of lines with confident attributions that don't hold up. Here is what the record shows, mostly from Quote Investigator's research. Our full list of corrections is on the page of leadership quotes leaders never said.
| The line | Usually credited to | What the record shows |
|---|---|---|
| "They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." | Maya Angelou | Earliest known: Carl W. Buehner in Richard Evans' Quote Book (1971). No evidence Angelou said it first (QI). |
| "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response." | Viktor Frankl | Not found in Frankl's work. Rollo May wrote a close version in 1963; the exact wording is Stephen Covey's, in First Things First (1994) (QI). |
| "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." | Theodore Roosevelt | No evidence for Roosevelt. Earliest known: Margaret Tyson, nursing school commencement, 1959; called "an old saying" by 1962 (QI). |
| "For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." | Ralph Waldo Emerson | Anonymous filler in a California newspaper in 1934; first pinned on Emerson in 1955 (QI). |
| "Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." | Ambrose Bierce | Reported from Groucho Marx in a 1954 newspaper column; not in Bierce's Devil's Dictionary (QI). |
| "The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said." | Peter Drucker | No source in Drucker's books or articles has been found; quote collections list it only as "attributed." |
| "IQ gets you hired, but EQ gets you promoted." | Time, 1995, or Goleman | Not in Time's 1995 cover story; no early source found. Treat it as an anonymous office saying. |
The Aristotle line at the top of this page belongs on the same list in a milder way: the idea is his, the famous sentence is Goleman's. Credit it to both.
How these quotes were checked
Each quote was compared with a page we loaded: a scan or transcription of the original (archive.org for Harper's 1920 and Darwin 1872, MIT Classics for Aristotle, Wikisource and The Latin Library for Seneca, Project Gutenberg for Laozi), the publisher or journal record, or a full-text reprint (HBR's 2004 reprint of Goleman's article). Where we relied on a secondary source, the note under the quote says so: Jung (Wikiquote, page reference not checked against a scan), Harper Lee (LitCharts) and Brené Brown (published transcripts). Translators are named because they change the wording. Two well-known items were left out because we could not confirm them: the exact wording of Howard Gardner's definitions in Frames of Mind (1983) and the "subset of social intelligence" sentence attributed to Salovey and Mayer. If you have a better source for any line here, tell us and we will update the page.
